(no subject)

[slammerkinbabe]

[Poll #742687]

Ahem.

* * *

Dearest Julie Andrews:

I love you, Julie. I really do. I love you, passionately. So please don't misunderstand me when I say that I feel there are a few things I should draw to your attention, for your own good. Like, okay, well, for starters. So, Julie, when you learn a song, you probably get some sheet music for it, right? Like, notes on a page. I'm not sure if anyone ever told you, but those notes on the page? They're the notes you're actually supposed to sing. You're not really supposed to start with the note just below the note on the page so that you can swoop up into the note, or the note just above the note on the page so you can scoop down to the note; not even the four notes below the note on the page so you can swoop up through *all* of them, or the two notes above so you can jitter down through both of them. Oh, and when you sing a note? You could stand to sing it, like, right away. Instead of all this wacky shit with the delayed gratification singing, where we get to wait an aeon or two before you decide to progress to the chord that the orchestra has been patiently holding for a measure and a half just for you. Rubato does not mean "singing like you got your feet stuck in a puddle of glue on the previous note".

I said it before, but I love you, Julie. You're beautiful and you have a gorgeous singing voice and you look really really hot in drag. And you've even been known to write a half-decent children's book or two. So why this nonsense with the scooping and the swooping and the waiting eight years to move from one note to the next? You're better than that, Julie. Please take note.

Don't make me vote for Bernadette Peters in my own poll.

Love,
Kylie

P.S. You could also stand to dial the vibrato down a notch or two, but we'll leave that for the moment.

P.P.S. Please stay gay for Carol Burnett, though.

P.P.P.S. I hope you got your voice back after that botched vocal-cord surgery, because otherwise this post makes me a total tool.

Comments

[theniwokesoftly.livejournal.com]

I would like to say that even though Bernadette is hot and all, Julie WILL ALWAYS WIN NO MATTER WHAT BECAUSE SHE'S JULIE ANDREWS, DAMMIT.

Ahem. I mean that I love her lots.

So what song are you talking about?

[slammerkinbabe.livejournal.com]

::laughs:: Kind of... every song ever. Well, no, okay, that's not really fair, but we were watching her episode of the Muppet Show, and I don't know what was with her when she filmed that thing, but she was just... incapable of singing the melody to anything. Ever. The stuff in my letter thingy there is stuff that has bugged me ever since it dawned on me that all the stuff I would get flayed alive for in voice lessons (scooping and "growing into" the notes, mainly; my voice teacher always asked me why it took me a beat and a half to get to a prolonged note) was stuff that I learned from Julie. That's what I get for playing Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music on a loop when I was a kid, I guess.

I think what I was originally going to say is that all of the stuff she usually does was present in the Muppet Show episode, only much much worse, for whatever reason. But I'm sort of discombobulated tonight. (Can you tell?)

[givesmevoice.livejournal.com]

I would like to write in Patti LuPone for winning the sing off.

also, Bernadette's REALLY REALLY HOT.

[slammerkinbabe.livejournal.com]

I almost put in a Patti LuPone option, just for you, but then I decided to go with Barbra/raw eggs, instead. ::hides::

Bernadette is actually totally hot, and I should probably have an icon that showcases it better than this one.

[givesmevoice.livejournal.com]

...are you saying Patti lovers shall be pelted with raw eggs?!

=(

but!



yeah, can I look like that at 58? kthx.

[slammerkinbabe.livejournal.com]

NO NO NO. BARBRA STREISAND FANS SHALL BE PELTED WITH RAW EGGS. I didn't include Patti because I wanted a snarky option, and Patti didn't provide me with one.

I can't see a picture, though! Just a red X. Woe.

[givesmevoice.livejournal.com]

WOE is right!

here you go.

ah, snarky options are always needed.

[slammerkinbabe.livejournal.com]

AAACK I HAVE NO PERMISSION TO ACCESS WOE

[givesmevoice.livejournal.com]

ACK!

well, Bernadette's hot. we know this. I cried when I saw her in "Gypsy".

[slammerkinbabe.livejournal.com]

I had a ticket to see Bernadette in Gypsy and it was all paid for and the show was in five hours and then my ex-girlfriend had a nervous breakdown and I had to leave to take her back to Boston and I missed the show and I didn't see Bernadette and it has taken me several years to come to terms with the fact that THAT SUCKS HARDCORE.

mkthx.

[givesmevoice.livejournal.com]

oh you poor dear! that really does suck hardcore.

you know what else sucks hardcore? Patti doing "Gypsy" at the Ravinia Festival in Chicago and me being...not in Chicago.

frowny faces.

[kathrynrose.livejournal.com]

This made me laugh. Thanks. I love Julie Andrews and it's been far too long since I've thought about Bernadette Peters. :)

[greenovalfruit.livejournal.com]

Just have to say that Bernadette Peters RULES.

She was the best Wicked Witch EVAR.

[pretzelsalt.livejournal.com]

Ha!

I was just talking about Bernadette and Julie a few nights ago.

Julie's a scooper for sure - but nothing like Mary Martin.

Are you familiar with forbidden broadway?

to (I could have danced all night) "I couldn't hit the note, I couldn't hit the note. . until they dropped the key"

[slammerkinbabe.livejournal.com]

I know a few things from Forbidden Broadway, though I've never seen it (which is kind of major WOE).

Are they snarking Julie or Mary Martin there? (I haven't heard Mary Martin sing since I was like four, so I'm going to pass on judging her singing.) It's got to be Julie, right? She originated Liza on Broadway, IIRC. If they're snarking Julie, that's not fair! She *can* hit just about any note, she just sorta refuses to.

Maybe they're snarking Audrey Hepburn. That'd be okay with me.

[pretzelsalt.livejournal.com]

Here's some newer stuff off utube.

http://www.youtube.com/results?search=forbidden+broadway&search_type=search_videos

They don't have the song I was referencing wich is about Julie.

(same song)

"Now that I'm 56 my vocal chords play tricks and when I push I Pee!!!"

It cracks me up every time.

[pretzelsalt.livejournal.com]

Oh and in case you don't know it - though you probably do.

"Making love alone" - bernadette's masturbation song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jDMVACYgAY&search=bernadette%20peters

[slammerkinbabe.livejournal.com]

Dude, I totally don't know that song, no.

You are absolutely brilliant with the links.