(no subject)

My wife is scared of birds.

λ: So I was on a conference call today and the woman we were conferencing with had a dove in the background!
ME: A dove?
λ: It sounded like a rooster.
ME: The dove sounded like a rooster?
λ: It was crowing!
ME: Okay.
λ: It was a noisy damn dove. *shudder* I don't know why anyone would ever have a bird anyway.
ME: I sort of like them.
λ: Euh!
ME: But I promise I will never get a bird without giving you at least 48 hours' notice.
λ: Okay, you do that, and we'll just start living in separate houses.
ME: You'd rather live without me than with a bird!
λ: You don't have to get a bird!
ME: What if I go blind and it's a seeing-eye bird?
λ: Why don't you get a seeing-eye cat?
ME: They don't have those.*
λ: Why don't you get a seeing-eye dog?
ME: Seeing-eye birds are better. They can fly up high and tell you... um... if your balloon is going to get tangled up in power lines.
λ: Uh-huh.
ME: It's very necessary!
λ: I have bad news for you then. Because they don't have seeing-eye birds either.
ME: They do in my head!
λ: Okay. You keep them there.
ME: *sulkily* I want a seeing-eye bird.
λ: I told you, you can get a seeing-eye cat.
ME: I don't want a seeing-eye cat. We have two cats and they are useless in that regard.
λ: They're not trained.
ME: Well, my seeing-eye bird is.
λ: You couldn't get a seeing-eye bird anyway. Ariadne would eat it.
ME: I'll get a seeing-eye eagle. She won't eat that.
λ: Oh my God if you got an eagle I would move three states away.
ME: Only three?
λ: ...for starters.

Our house, ladies and gentlemen.

_____________________

*I have no idea if this is actually true or not. Probably not. But never mind.