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of interest to Massachusetts citizens only
Sep. 7th, 2006 11:58 pmWas anyone else watching the Massachusetts Democratic candidates for governor debate tonight?
For those of you who missed it, here's a precis:
MODERATOR: So, what do you think about blah blah? Tom, why don't we start with y--
TOM REILLY: I'M THE BEST EVER BECAUSE I DID EVERYTHING EVER IN MASSACHUSETTS. EXCEPT THE THINGS THAT WENT WRONG, LIKE THE BIG DIG, BUT BASICALLY I DID EVERYTHING GOOD EVER AND I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF AND NOBODY HELPED ME. ALSO I AM AN ANGRY OLD WHITE MAN AND I HATE YOU ::pointing at Gabrieli:: AND I HATE YOU ::pointing at Patrick:: AND I HATE YOU ::pointing at Gabrieli:: AND I HATE YOU ::pointing at Patrick:: AND I HATE YOU ::pointing at Patrick:: AND I HATE YOU ::pointing at Patrick:: AND I HATE YOU ::pointing at Patrick:: AND -
DEVAL PATRICK: ::is smiling indulgently::
TOM REILLY: - AND YOU ARE THE WORST EVER AT EVERYTHING AND I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU AND -
DEVAL PATRICK, cutting in smoothly: It's okay, Tom. Of course I don't deserve all of that, but we all know that, because you are an angry old white man with spittle on your chin, and I am a charismatic young black man who is going to breathe new life into Massachusetts government. But you have some good ideas too, occasionally. You should be very proud of yourself, just like I'm proud of myself for being better than you.
TOM REILLY: I HATE YOU AND I HATE YOU AND I SPUTTER SPITTLE IN YOUR DIRECTION! AND -
CHRIS GABRIELI: Um, guys, can I cut in here for just a second? I just want to say that I really like stem cell research, and Harvard, and medicine, and that kind of stuff. And I'm really a pretty articulate guy, with some reasonably well-formulated and possibly workable ideas -
TOM REILLY: AND I HATE YOU MOST ESPECIALLY BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT AS GOOD AS ME, YOU ARE NOT ATTORNEY GENERAL LIKE ME, AND YOU DID NOT DO THINGS LIKE MAKING SURE THAT AWFUL THINGS LIKE 9/11 COULD NEVER EVER HAPPEN AGAIN BY DOING PRECISELY NOTHING TO ENSURE THAT SECURITY WAS STEPPED UP AT LOGAN AIRPORT, BUT THAT WAS AWESOME AND IT WAS ALL ME, AND I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO DID IT, AND NO ONE ELSE HAS EVER BEEN AS GOOD AS ME IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, AND I HATE YOU, AND -
DEVAL PATRICK: I agree with both of you. In a way. Because you're both very smart men, deserving of respect. And so are a bunch of Republicans that I'm going to mention by name, so that you know that I'm willing to cross partisan boundaries to reject politics-as-usual. Also, I am very handsome. See how good I look in my suit and tie, and hear how smooth and well-modulated my speaking voice is.
TOM REILLY: AAAACK I HATE YOU SO MUCH I THINK THE VEINS IN MY NECK WILL EXPLODE -
CHRIS GABRIELI: Guys? Stem cells? Anyone?
DEVAL PATRICK: Absolutely, Chris. Absolutely.
TOM REILLY: ::chokes on his own umbrage::
JEANNE SHAHEEN: That's all for tonight's debate. See you at the next debate, after the primaries, when we'll be rid of this Reilly asshole. Night!
Man, I wish the Presidential debates went like this. How come in the Presidential debates everyone acts like Tom Reilly, while on the state level we get guys like Patrick and Gabrieli, who just kind of look him over with this "are you shitting me, you little bald man?" expression?
For those of you who missed it, here's a precis:
MODERATOR: So, what do you think about blah blah? Tom, why don't we start with y--
TOM REILLY: I'M THE BEST EVER BECAUSE I DID EVERYTHING EVER IN MASSACHUSETTS. EXCEPT THE THINGS THAT WENT WRONG, LIKE THE BIG DIG, BUT BASICALLY I DID EVERYTHING GOOD EVER AND I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF AND NOBODY HELPED ME. ALSO I AM AN ANGRY OLD WHITE MAN AND I HATE YOU ::pointing at Gabrieli:: AND I HATE YOU ::pointing at Patrick:: AND I HATE YOU ::pointing at Gabrieli:: AND I HATE YOU ::pointing at Patrick:: AND I HATE YOU ::pointing at Patrick:: AND I HATE YOU ::pointing at Patrick:: AND I HATE YOU ::pointing at Patrick:: AND -
DEVAL PATRICK: ::is smiling indulgently::
TOM REILLY: - AND YOU ARE THE WORST EVER AT EVERYTHING AND I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU AND -
DEVAL PATRICK, cutting in smoothly: It's okay, Tom. Of course I don't deserve all of that, but we all know that, because you are an angry old white man with spittle on your chin, and I am a charismatic young black man who is going to breathe new life into Massachusetts government. But you have some good ideas too, occasionally. You should be very proud of yourself, just like I'm proud of myself for being better than you.
TOM REILLY: I HATE YOU AND I HATE YOU AND I SPUTTER SPITTLE IN YOUR DIRECTION! AND -
CHRIS GABRIELI: Um, guys, can I cut in here for just a second? I just want to say that I really like stem cell research, and Harvard, and medicine, and that kind of stuff. And I'm really a pretty articulate guy, with some reasonably well-formulated and possibly workable ideas -
TOM REILLY: AND I HATE YOU MOST ESPECIALLY BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT AS GOOD AS ME, YOU ARE NOT ATTORNEY GENERAL LIKE ME, AND YOU DID NOT DO THINGS LIKE MAKING SURE THAT AWFUL THINGS LIKE 9/11 COULD NEVER EVER HAPPEN AGAIN BY DOING PRECISELY NOTHING TO ENSURE THAT SECURITY WAS STEPPED UP AT LOGAN AIRPORT, BUT THAT WAS AWESOME AND IT WAS ALL ME, AND I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO DID IT, AND NO ONE ELSE HAS EVER BEEN AS GOOD AS ME IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, AND I HATE YOU, AND -
DEVAL PATRICK: I agree with both of you. In a way. Because you're both very smart men, deserving of respect. And so are a bunch of Republicans that I'm going to mention by name, so that you know that I'm willing to cross partisan boundaries to reject politics-as-usual. Also, I am very handsome. See how good I look in my suit and tie, and hear how smooth and well-modulated my speaking voice is.
TOM REILLY: AAAACK I HATE YOU SO MUCH I THINK THE VEINS IN MY NECK WILL EXPLODE -
CHRIS GABRIELI: Guys? Stem cells? Anyone?
DEVAL PATRICK: Absolutely, Chris. Absolutely.
TOM REILLY: ::chokes on his own umbrage::
JEANNE SHAHEEN: That's all for tonight's debate. See you at the next debate, after the primaries, when we'll be rid of this Reilly asshole. Night!
Man, I wish the Presidential debates went like this. How come in the Presidential debates everyone acts like Tom Reilly, while on the state level we get guys like Patrick and Gabrieli, who just kind of look him over with this "are you shitting me, you little bald man?" expression?
