slammerkinbabe: (mawwiage)

Kylie Slammerkinbabe
is pleased to announce the marriage of her daughter
Mariah Nicole Slammerkinbabe
Alexis Makayla Pabbagecatch
on this, the twenty-first day of March, in the year of our Lord two thousand and eight.
May they walk stand in the light of one another's love through all their years --
for richer or for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
in wholeness of form and with limbs unfortunately popped off and lost,
in dragon's lair and on top of Kylie's computer tower.

Whom God has joined, let no man put asunder. Nay, nor even a hot diesel dyke with a leather jacket and a jawline to rival Olivia Benson's.

You may all throw rice now.
slammerkinbabe: (wee me)

Sort of a gay-looking dragon, with smart little buckled shoes and a lot of shiny beaded necklaces. But SHE WAS KIDNAPPED! BY A DRAGON!

What actually happened was that I left her on my desk last night because I have a semi-permanent computer now, and this morning my boss saw her. For REASONS I DO NOT UNDERSTAND, he took her AWAY from my desk and decided that she should be placed on my other boss's desk, next to my other boss's stuffed dragon, to "KEEP THE STUFFED DRAGON COMPANY". Since when has KIDNAPPING A YOUNG GIRL AND PLACING HER IN THE CARE OF A FIERCE DRAGON BEEN CONSIDERED AN APPROPRIATE THING TO DO, I ask you?!

My poor Alexis Makayla! I had to rescue her. I had to apply the force of all my intellect and reason to unlock the mystery of her location1 and blaze a trail to her castle on my valiant steed and vanquish the terrible dragon2 who held my friend hostage.

I think this is the point in the story where I am supposed to marry her, but I am already married, so I do not think that will work. Instead I should probably go to Burger King for lunch again today and get another kids' meal and adopt another Cabbage Patch Mini in the process, and then offer Alexis Makayla my daughter's hand in marriage. (Note that Alexis is my FRIEND, not my DAUGHTER. It is not incestuous.)

Dude, I so have to do this. I don't even want Burger King for lunch today, but I have to do this. You know, I used to occasionally go to Burger King and get a kids' meal because I like having a smaller meal there, but I would give the toy away to a small child. Today, I think I am probably going to wind up buying a kids' meal, taking the toy, and giving the meal to a small child. Or a homeless person.


I will update with a picture of Alexis Makayla and her bride after lunch!

1Ask the girl who sits next to me if she knew what had happened to it.
2Ask my boss politely if I could have it back, and offer thanks when the answer was yes, plus an apology for actually bothering to ask her about the Cabbage Patch Mini doll in the first place.
slammerkinbabe: (wee me)
Everyone! Meet Alexis Makayla!*

I got her at Burger King along with my five-piece chicken tenders meal. I have not been there in weeks so it is nice to see that they have not switched their kids' meal toys. I have not yet had the chance to collect all eight Cabbage Patch Minis!

Alexis Makayla and me are going to be best friends forever. She sits on my desk at work and brightens my life. Granted I have to switch desks every day so I will have to carry her with me but that is a small price to pay for eternal friendship and life-brightening. She is much cuter in real life than in her picture and I am sure she would say the same of me if she saw a picture of me, as I am not at all photogenic. So we share that pain. I want to get a small brush, as for a Barbie (she and I have great disdain for Barbies, but their brushes are useful), and brush her hair with it. Can you buy Barbie brushes individually, or do you have to buy a Barbie? I don't want a Barbie! Why does she not come with a hair brush all her own? Why must I put dollars in the coffers of Mattel just because my best friend needs a hair brush? It's a travesty! I must write to all the papers!

Isn't she nice? She wants to hug you. Virtual hugs!

...back to work with me.

*Why does Cabbage Patch tell you your dolls' names? I like picking my own dolls' names. I would have named her Cassie.


slammerkinbabe: (Default)

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